Thursday, December 22, 2011

How to Get Tied Up: Six Reasons to Wear a Tie + Six Ties to Bring in 2012

2012's right around the corner, so there's little excuse to not modernize your wardrobe with a few interesting accents. Male fashion accessories are limited - your stereotypical murse, A&F leather armban, annoying hipster knockaround shades, and the cufflinks hiding in your top dresser drawer that haven't seen the light of day since your cousin's wedding (who has since been divorced). The tie remains one of the few accents to show that you awareness of 2012, not 1912. Check'it.

Pick a knot, any knot.

If you can tie your shoes, then you can tie your tie. If you floss your laces to match your kicks or tie your shoes according to the hi-top lo-top mentality, then you understand using a knot that fits the characteristics of the lapel. There's no correct knot for a given shirt; Just use common sense. Rule of thumb: The length of the lapel and the space between the lapels should correlate with the size of the knot.

Equation functions with style if input values of 1,2, or 3 are used.
L= Length of the lapel
D=Distance between the lapels
T=Thickness of the tie
K=output, Size of the knot

If K < 4 use a small knot. If K > 4 use a large knot

Generally, if you have a significantly sized lapel and large space between them, use an obnoxiously large knot like a double windsor or the less symmetrical Pratt knot. Another two factors to consider when choosing a knot is the thickness of the tie and the desired length of the tie. A thicker tie means a bulkier knot and larger knots will mean a shorter length on the finished tie.

How should it hang?
So you don't look like a clown - centered on the knot and not twisted or wrinkled. Traditionalists hold that a tie should hang below the top of your fly or bottom of your belt. Modernists insist that a tie shouldn't touch your trousers, even when sitting. I like to wear my tie so it hangs a few inches above the bottom of my belt, but that's because I obsess over spilling food if it hangs on my trousers when I eat. (Maybe this is why businessmen stand and eat.) Do not flip it over your shoulder when you are eating unless you're alone. When you courageously dribble mustard all over it, spot clean it yourself in the sink, starch it, and let it hang dry. Starching will let you get more use out of the tie before you have to iron the wrinkles out. Or hit up the dry cleaners. To each their own.

The Knots: In increasing size and tying difficulty.

(Note: I'm left handed and so I tend to wrap things opposite the way the rest of the world riggs them. I've chosen to use videos instead of describing folds and weaves or using confusing pictures. Video courtesy of which also includes step-by-step instructions and more style tips.)

The Four-in-Hands:
This is the knot your pop showed you how to loop for prom. Simple, small, round, asymmetrical.

The Half Windsor:
Flat, triangular, small, and symmetrical knot. Wider than the four-in-hands.

The Pratt: 
Also known as the Shelby. Asymmetrical, beefier, older brother of the four-in-hands.

The Double Windsor:
Veteran of job interviews and court appearances. Fat, triangular, symmetrical, the boss knot.

The Bow:
The tuxedo standard. Horizontally diverge from all your vertically inclined co-workers. If you get bored tying the other knots, the one takes some practice. Works well with suspenders. Use at your own discretion; Peewee Herman's favorite knot.

Six Reasons to Wear A Tie:

I. You will never look overdressed.
If you are sensible. Whether its an office holiday gathering or a concert, the formality of a tie is only as significant as the shirt on which its hung and the blazer draped around it. If you think a tie is too formal for an occasion, tone down the other elements. Instead of a starched silk shirt and cardigan wear a something more casual. Substitute slacks for a pair of jeans. Drop the penny-loafers for sneakers, boots, or hi-tops. or I rarely see anyone match a solid colored tie and plaid or striped shirt. Instead of wearing a pinstripe shirt, business blazer, and peacoat, alternatively don a sweater. Your wardrobe should include more than your prom outfit or your wedding apparel. Don't shop for an entire outfit with a single exclusive function in mind. Instead, imagine different outfits and diversity between elements of clothing. Still self-conscious about tying it up on the scene? Distinguish between formal wear and non-formal wear with the premise of a suit or at least a shirt and tie, much as in the same way you partition work clothes and play clothes. Don't be afraid to break the rules.

II. The tie is an extension of your soul.
Want to know someone's favorite color without asking? Look at the color of their most frequently worn clothes. Not only do multiples ties and shirts provide a cheap alternative to masking the appearance of changing your clothes every week, they provide insight into your tastes and the way you identify yourself. Get deeper than black and brown. Try stripes and other patterns. Distinguish between the width of a tie and sharpness of its descending point. While you're at it make sure to you've got a belt or two that compliments the tie. Learn to express yourself in a manner that makes it look like you wanted to wear a suit or that you actually like the way you look. Although the black and brown matter and anti-matter rules still applies, don't feel that the color of your pants has to match your tie, your blazer, and socks. Diversify. Then, on casual Friday or hung-over Saturday morning, you'll really knock 'em out with that collegian beer logo hoodie and sweatpants. Congratulations, you are a dynamic and hopefully colorful person.

III. It's a simple self-image booster.
In the media we see lots of scrutiny over the way women appear. Why do women wear makeup, eyeshadow, mascara, short skirts, stockings, or heels? One answer is that is the way advertisers establish an ideal image for women as a depiction of beauty, icon of sexuality, or image of professionalism. Another perspective is that all these elements of appearance boost confidence and make women feel better about themselves. However you lean, wearing a tie and the act of tying it in the mirror makes me feel more motivated and socially magnetic in the morning regarding the rest of my day. I tend to be more productive and positive in my upcoming interactions. With this in mind, it makes sense to wear a tie not just casually but when I have to give a presentation to my peers or I'm nervous about an upcoming social event - even if its not on the day I choose to wear a tie. No only is it a imager booster to some, but wearing a tie makes me strive to more attentive and interactive with others. I'm not suggesting acting like an asshole when you decide to dress up. I'm hinting that on a day when I have to bike five miles to school in the sleet and snow to school, at least I can dry my hands off with my tie when I sit down in class. On the other side of the coin, you might look like you fell out of an Esquire or GQ catalog. Just don't act like it.

IV. You will unintentionally break established socio-economic class boundaries.
And this is a good thing. Throughout my college career I've noticed that if I wore a tie to class, I get called on more than if I didn't, assuming equal frequency in hand raising here. My classmates are more social and approachable if they notice a slight shift in apparel choices. Its a fun thing to out-dress your professor or boss every once in a while. It makes you look like you cared about what you put on this morning and didn't just roll out of bed and run out the door. You might even get a table quicker at a restaurant. You might also be scoffed at for not overtipping. However, overdressing with a competitive intention is vain and if you continue to out-dress a particular person, you will look like you're going to a graduation, wedding, or funeral. Wear a tie at functions that are not the previous three listed. Wearing a tie out of the blue might get people to ask why you why you are wearing a tie. My favorite answer is that it's my dog's birthday. You don't need a reason to wear one. (You can still pretend you do if it makes you feel awkward. I don't own a dog, but I'd like one.)

V. Wear a tie because you can.
Regardless of where you identify on the sexuality/gender spectrum wearing a tie can be a fun way to dress yourself in the morning. Women look just as good in ties as men do. Also, you'll probably have to wear a tie at some point in your life, so why not dive in? The only thing worse than not having a tie and needing one for some ridiculous required function is not knowing how to tye a tie when you acquire one. Regardless of your sense of fashion ties are a way to embrace a change or something new. One of my favorite tie spottings was a punk friend with a "scissor cut" tie that hung four or five inches below the knot. He wore it as an anti-mod/working class fashion statement and said it was the much easier to tye before he cut it off. If someone ever gives you beef over wearing a tie, you can always let them try it on and then strangle them with it. On another note, avoid being strangled wearing a tie. This especially applies to Wall Street bankers and Congressmen.

VI. Your significant other looks better in your tie than you do.
If vertical lines and stripes give the visual illusion of making someone look slimmer and taller, then why does my spouse look better in my tie and shirt than I do? Because hopefully that's the only thing they're wearing. Ties are sexy and will stay sexy. Just like there is nothing wrong with wearing a tie to casual social functions, wearing a tie on a date is no different than wearing a tie to a coffeeshop to read a book or catch up with a friend. There is nothing like a man in uniform and unless you're a military person, this is standard issue homefront class B apparel. (Class A refers to tuxedos in case you're curious.)

6 Ties You Might See People Wearing in 2012.

The Skinny Tie

The Box Tie

The Stout Tie
Fashion columnists may say wide ties are out, but they function very well when tied exceptionally short with a slim shirt. You may have to cut the shorter end of the tie for this to work. Take risks.

Modernized Bow Ties
Made of materials like wood, plastic, and vinyl.

 Pixelated 8Bit Flashback Ties

Vintage Ties
Standard issue thrift shop wear. These patterns will not be repeated anytime soon, with fabrics like rayon and metallic weave.

Look good this next year. Whatever the occasion.

This goes out to all my underdone and undertongued, long-longed frontmen.

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